| Ask Jen |
| Tackling the 'Ph.D. Blues' |
| by Jennifer Hammond |
| A reader writes for advice about pursuing a Ph.D., and a hurtful comment made by a friend. |
Dear Jen,
I am currently working on my dissertation in pursuit of my Ph.D. in Human Resource Education. I already have a Bachelor’s and two Master’s degrees. I am only 35 years old, so you can imagine that I have spent a lot of time in school. I am near the end of this process, which has been physically and emotionally draining. However, I am terrified of what to do after I complete this degree. I almost wonder if I’ve been in school so long because I really didn’t want to make any real decisions about my career.
Last week, I was talking to a friend (who is a prominent HR director) about some drama she’s got going on at work. I told her I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get done with the degree because I don’t think I could handle the kind of stress she has in her job as an HR director. She replied to me, “You’re getting this degree in HR, but you don’t like anything in HR. I think you’re just getting it because you don’t want to work.” She immediately said she hoped she didn’t offend me, but I was mortified. Her tone was very dismissive of the amount of work I have put into getting this degree, without getting a paycheck I might add. As if they just give Ph.D.s out to anyone, the hardship on my family while I’m getting it was nothing and that she is so far above me that I couldn’t dream of doing her job. The way I’ve been feeling lately about what I’m going to do when I finish, it was the last comment I needed. I don’t see anything constructive in it. Am I making too much of this? Am I missing something?
Thanks,
Ph.D, Blues
Dear Ph.D. Blues
Whew! I certainly can relate to what you are going through. As far as what your friend said, I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings. I agree with you that most people haven’t a clue about what a Ph.D. program entails, especially the dissertation part. People think, “You just write a paper - what's the big deal?” BUT you are right, if it were so easy - more people would have a Ph.D. You can't expect people to understand that. It is really hard work and it is a huge accomplishment that most people will never achieve in their lifetime.
On the other hand, I can see where your friend is coming from. As you described, school has somewhat served as a safe haven for you: a place where you don't have to make any huge decisions about your career. The same thing happened with me. I would always say, "I'll decide on what I want to do when I'm out of school". I would even resent school because I felt like it held me back from opportunities, but in reality - - it was me holding myself back. When I was in school, all of my decisions were made for me. I am wondering if that is that same for you. For the most part, when you are in school – you know what to expect. Perhaps you have a fear of failure and being in school provides that safe environment that you need. Because you are so familiar with the educational environment, you are constantly setting yourself up for success. Thus, there is no real chance for failure. You know how the educational system works; however, in the real world, there isn’t as much consistency. You really don't know what to expect when you get into a new job. It involves much more risk
For the confused doctoral student, you may constantly ponder: “Is the degree all that important to me?”. . . “What am I going to do once I am finished?”. . . “Why do I want this degree?” These are all questions that plague many doctoral students and are very scary to think about. So the good news is that you are normal.
In conclusion, I totally agree with you that your friend obviously doesn't know the hard work that a Ph.D. entails and you aren't going to make her see that (so don’t bother trying). However, I understand where she's coming from. Her perspective is from the working world. One thing to remember is to not worry about what others think. You know what they say about opinions. This accomplishment is for you and no one else. God knows that no one else is going to help you finish. Keep the end in sight. Don’t allow someone else’s comments to create such doubt within yourself. Be proud of this HUGE accomplishment.
“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” ~Benjamin Franklin
Regards,
Jen
MSSW, ABD
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