| Pop Eye |
| Supersized Superman |
| by Aubrey Zich |
| Sorry Lois Lane, no one wants to see that much of Superman. |
Nobody looks good in spandex. There is always some problem with how it fits and if it fits tight like spandex should, no one wants to see that much of you. In fact, Hollywood is facing this exact problem with the Superman movie scheduled to be released in June 2006.News 24 Reports: They [Hollywood executives] fear Brandon Routh's profile in the superhero's skintight costume could be distracting, reports the Sun.
. . .“We may be forced to erase his package with digital effects.” Well, what do you expect for a superhero that runs around in an Under Armor shirt and red undies? It isn’t exactly a toga.
But apparently this is a problem for movie execs. A search for publicity photos of Routh in Superman garb turned up a collection of pictures suspiciously cropped either at the waist or right above where the troublesome “package” would be. (He also looked surprisingly similar to Stretch Armstrong or those weird rubber dolls filled with sand.) It is probably the first time Hollywood has ever felt the need to un-enhance anything. Would a well-endowed Superman make the fan boys self conscious? I did find one full-body shot and it didn’t seem too, well, out of the ordinary for a guy running around in spandex but then again I wasn’t viewing it on a gigantic movie screen.
To prevent situations such as these in the future, may I make a suggestion to all superhero comic book writers? In the event that your superhero becomes the subject of a major motion picture you may want to reconsider the obligatory spandex uniform. It is dated and as I said previously, no one looks good in spandex. Unless your superhero is a cyclist or on the high school wrestling team by day and crime fighter by night; s/he probably doesn’t need to wear spandex. In the place of spandex, may I suggest pantsuits. They aren’t just for lawyers and accounts anymore. Most people look decent in suits and it is much warming than running around in underwear. As for the studio, if you are that concerned about your actor’s anatomy shoot footage only from the waist up. It worked in the days of Elvis.
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