| Deep Fried Love |
| It Be's That Way Sometimes, or "Yes, I'll Have Another Unagi Hand Roll!" |
| by Shari M. Albert |
| As a single woman in her early thirties I must protest the new wave of tough love books touting that it is simply our own fault for still being single. We are being labeled as pariahs without power my fellow women, and no, I will not spell it with a “y”. |
According to this pop/frat boy psychology, ”He’s just not that into us”, or we’re branded as “insecure” (which is a euphemism for “stupid”) if we go out with him again having not received the post-coital phone call the next day. We must simply walk away if we do not receive flowers at the office after he gives us a nasty case of Herpes. (I’m talking about the Simplex 1 variety.)
I am confessing that sometimes we do stay involved too long knowing fully well that he probably will never call when he says he will, never send flowers, or God-forbid, a Valentine’s Day gift. Why? Because we want the attention.
Sometimes you just need to sleep with someone you sorta like. Even if what you like is his choice of footwear. Not every guy can be “the one”, and let’s get real, most of them aren’t even the thirty-seventh.
Sometimes we stay in something not because we don’t think we “deserve more”, but because it’s okay to want him to flop you around like a limp bunny after a filling sushi dinner that you didn’t have to bankroll. Go ahead, have that extra order of unagi!
It’s fine to enjoy the “in between relationship guy”. And here’s where I get the nasty phone call from Oprah, but I think we can even fantasize about that guy being more. The truth is for all our worrying, obsessing, and waiting, he’s either going to be the guy we marry (IF that's what you want) or he’s not. To quote the lovely and expressive Nina Simone,“It just be’s that way sometimes.”
I’m not saying we need to be in pain and suffer needlessly with wanton expectations, but hey, it happens. It’s just part of the process.
Sometimes we have incredible sex, and that’s it. We can even get the flowers and the phone calls within the appropriate time frame only to find out the guy is leading a double life with another girlfriend, and a wife in Wyoming!
I watch a lot Lifetime.
After all, it is the “in between guys” that reveal to us more of what it is we want in a more permanent mate. They can also heal an old wound named Mike, or Tom, or fill in the blank. It can be beneficial just feeling like you are the hottest thing ever to strut to your corner deli for a coffee. It’s worth it. Even if it’s for a day.
In between finding our selves, establishing our careers, and shopping for yet another Wedding Shower gift, we have to live! We have needs, for crying out loud. Most men won’t be worthy or well adjusted enough.They still have something to prove to themselves before they become that dirty, scary five letter word. Ready.
So what’s a gal to do? Wait? Become a nun? What if we’re Jewish? We need to give ourselves a little more credit and not leave this dating thing up to the men/boys. It’s not empowering if we let them call the shots with their ADD attitudes. You don’t even have to want him to be who you end up with. We can use our own version of the withdraw method.
Listen to your heart, not the phone ringing (or the silence of the non-ringing phone) because truly, it does know when something is going somewhere deeper, and when it’s just sushi. So I say order the Blue Fin Toro and the extra large sake, he’s paying. |
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