| Aubrey's Outlook |
| Crusading for Christmas and other Holiday Timewasters |
| by Aubrey Zich |
| It’s officially “Christmastime”. All other holidays have been cancelled. |
I am not a holiday person, but I don’t think I’ve been this anxious for holiday season to be over—oh, wait Christmas season. You see, I just got my memo from the American Family Association telling me it was time to call this time of year “Christmastime.” Yes, specifically “Christmastime” by name, not “Xmastime”, “Chanukahtime”, “Kwanzatime” or “Wintersolsticetime” or the ever-popular all inclusive “Holiday Season”; so sorry to all my non-Christian readers. I know I’ve talked about all this before, but holiday insanity (and I’m not even talking about Black Friday-type lunacy) is one of the most amusing things about this time of year.
Lately what has me gawking in horror is “Forced Christmas.” Recently the AFA has jumped on the Jerry Falwell bandwagon and join his crusade to protect Christmas from those evil PC-Types and Non-Christians, the later which comprises 68% of the world’s population according to Religious Tolerance.org. They’ve started to enforce their will on major chain stores around the country while by creating boycott lists of major chain stores such as Sears, Walgreens and Target. And some of these stores are complying. Newsmax.com reports: Sears has notified the American Family Association (AFA) that "Merry Christmas” signs have been shipped and are now on display in all its stores. In addition, the retailer notified AFA that the "Christmas" greeting has also been posted on the Sears.com Web site. Sears is not the only one. Although it is too late for Walgreens to alter their signs, they promised “things would be different next year.” Target issued a statement that it has agreed to include the word “Christmas” in its advertising and in turn, the AFA agreed to drop the ban. "Corporate America is getting the word from the grassroots," said AFA Chairman Donald W. Wildmon. "We expect a positive response from other companies in the next few days.” Doesn’t it scare you a little bit that these folks have the power to influence a multimillion dollar company like Sears? Doesn’t it make you wonder what they are capable of doing/all ready have done? I think next year I will start my own grassroots organization and declare December 2006 the “Month of the Dreidel.” All major stores will be forced to display at least one large menorah and all advertisement must contain people either spinning the dreidel or speaking the Yiddish language (company’s choice.) Extra points given to commercials that feature prayers and readings from the book of Judith. Not only will we change business we will change education. My organization of 750 lawyers will sue the pants off schools and teachers who change the lyrics of “hava naglia” for those PC-types. Instead of decorating Christmas trees students will light one candle every day to celebrate and for the kids too young to play with fire, we will encourage them to draw menorahs and tape a paper flame to a candle each day.
The only thing I predict that might hinder my revolution is the fact that I am not Jewish. Well, and the fact I believe there are better things to do with time and money than to argue over what to call a holiday that only a section of the population celebrates.
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